Adopting a step child or interacting with one can be a tough one on anyone who is in love with their partner with a child from their previous relationship. Given the fact that children do not take easily to change and resent your presence, can make things rough in the beginning.
Dealing with a stepchild is no rocket science but trust is vital to sustain a healthy relationship with the kids. You should never let them feel ignored and be friendly to win their confidence, once they start confiding in you that’s a turning point for a good and healthy relationship with a stepchild.
But, how do you get beyond the resistance? Trust us, give it time, and take small steps. Read below a few tips for you to bond with a step child.
Do not force it
You would naturally want everyone to be one happy family. Does the kid want it? Maybe not! You’ll have to work on it. The child will take time opening up, talking to you, may have a severe opinion of you which will lessen in time.
If you try to force intimacy on the child and chatter away, he or she might become withdrawn. Give the child time, you can bribe him or her little do so but only till it does not spoil the relationship or enforces that you only do it because you want his or her favor.
Do not dictate terms
Do not just walk in and start dictating term to the child or try to become the parent. You do not want the child to tell you, you are not his or her parent. A parent child relationship takes work and a little give and take, which is emphasized even more with this being a step parent and step child relationship. Dictatorship will only win you the title of Hitler and severe any further conversations. Show that you care but by explaining and talking over time. You’re relationship will build over the years and not just in a week or month. Have patience.
The child might want to ask you things, tell you things. A child at his/ her own age needs explanation to behavior to not make wrong interpretations. He/she has school to handle, friends and a number of other things. You are a new ear to the child. Make sure you act the supporting ear and offer it when needed.
Before you become a parent, try to become friends. Parents are often their own child’s best friends too, just because you are a ‘step’ parent that does not have to change. With the few points listed above, you can of course become good friends. If you can make a beginning with this, you are building a good foundation for your relationship.
Avoid Anger or physical abuse
This is a crucial point. If you are someone who lacks patience beware of doing any of this. Anger can push a kid away and instill fear which is not what you do not want. Physical abuse is even worse as you are shutting doors on your relationship. Hence, communicate and talk and in case of anger reason out with the child and explain.
I would love to hear your experiences or opinion on how to deal with a stepchild. Please leave me a comment and let me know. Subscribe our RSS to receive child development & parenting updates.