Being on the dating market as a man can be frustrating; I know this first-hand because I dated as a single parent for over five years. Part of the confusion that swirls around in the dating world is because there is so much conflicting advice out there.
Dating and women are like mixing oil and water to some of us guys. We can’t seem to figure women out and there’s so sure-fire method to doing so, either.
The Corruption of the Female Mind [Hear Me Out]
Some women have been socialized to believe that, in terms of dating, men are the ‘enemy’ or at the very least, the ‘other team.’ In other words, dating is a game with rules and they can’t just be honest or upfront. I’m not saying that both sides don’t perpetuate these games. Quite the contrary; we’re both to blame, for sure. Hell, men may very well even be the reason why women resort to such dating behaviors. I’ve heard the stories, trust me. But when one or both sides feel they have to do certain things to try to affect a specific result in the behavior of the other you’re starting off on the wrong dating foot already.
If you need evidence, look no further than the best-selling book, The Rules, which had a sequel not too long ago. Truth be told, most women didn’t even need the book! They have their friends, family and coworkers who are eager to advise them to play games with the person they’re dating. The problem as a dater is that you never know if the person you’re dating is genuine or if they’re playing a role or a game. I call this doomed practice Best-Foot-Forward-Dating (or BFFD).
Why Best Foot Forward Dating is Doomed to Fail
My dating ‘career’ spanned more than five years and during those years I took to online dating as a way to meet women I wouldn’t ordinarily meet. At first, I was very enthusiastic about online dating, but my enthusiasm quickly waned. One of the worst emotions a date can experience is one of disappointment and I think most people’s disappointment results from people practicing BFFD.
Many people personify themselves in their profile as who they strive to be, not who they actually are today. It’s nice to have goals and aspirations, but this always leads to disappointment in my experience. You know, those “woah, who are you?” dating moments? This is BFFD at its worst. Besides, braggers, exaggerators and the “How much can you bench?” crowd are a dime a dozen. Exaggeration is about as useful in the dating world as all that math we learned in high school, anyway – right? Everything comes to light sooner or later. It’s not rocket surgery to say that being honest about who you are and who you seek is important in the success (or failure) of a relationship.
So, how do you survive the dating world in the modern era? It’s cliché but true – just be yourself! If you’re authentic to yourself then you’ll be authentic to your dates. They’ll see you for who you really are and they’ll fall in love with the real you. That, I’m convinced, is the key to dating success.
About the Author
As a single dad, Daniel Ruyter went on hundreds of first dates. He made some mistakes along the way but hopes to help others not repeat those mistakes by publishing his dating rules book, Memoirs of a Dating Dad. Daniel survived dating and now lives in Florida with his two sons and Fiancee, JenB.