Are you dealing with Separation Anxiety? Are you confused how to cope up with a separation anxiety? Well, the answer is both simple and complex. As soon as your kid is six, he/she must have some experiences with day care or pre-schools as he/she needs to spend great amount of time away from home.
Lots of parents whom we have interviewed told us that initial years of their kids going these schools were quite good but also disturbing too. They feel proud that their kids are getting smarter, bigger, stronger and better looking but at the same time they feel a strong feeling of their children slipping away.
Parents start to realize that their kids do not need them as much as they used to just because they are spending a great amount of time away from home. What’s worst is that they don’t have that sort of influence over their kid as before. Until recently you were the sole responsible teacher to advocate about the world. Now, Teachers, media and peers also playing an important part in teaching your kid and you sometimes feel that you have lost your control over your kid. Your kid is not coming to you for the final word as he/she used to come before.
However, you are trying to gain your control back still time is changing pretty fast. Over the next few years whatever your kid’s teachers or friends say would carry more weight than your words. Their own reading will add to this as kids love to read by their own as soon as they are able to read and understand by themselves. At this phase of life your kid’s mind is open for all the elements teachers, friends or books and you again will find very less control over what they learn. As parents you would slowly get used to of all this going on with your child’s education and you would wish that somehow you can control the situation.
You child develops deeper associations outside the home, her relationship with you and your partner will change. There will be no more—or at least a lot less—snuggling in bed as a family to read stories or watch videos together; she may get embarrassed about being hugged or kissed by you, especially in public; she may not want to talk to you about her day; she always has someplace else she’d rather be and may hardly want to spend any time with you at all. Getting recognition and acceptance from you won’t be nearly as important as it used to be. Instead, life will be more about fitting in with the new crowd and being accepted by them. It’s a normal part of life. She needs to prove to herself and others that she can make it in that big world out there. And in her mind, the only way to show her independence and fit in with her friends is to reject you. Doesn’t make a lot of sense from the adult perspective, but those are the cold, hard facts.
But as normal as it is for her to push you away, it’s just as normal for you to feel confused. You’ll be proud that your child is growing up, and you’ll want to encourage her independence. At the same time, you’ll want to keep her close to home, where you can protect her from the world. But watch out: you may have other, more selfish reasons for not wanting to let your daughter go. You’ll mourn the loss of your close relationship, and you’ll feel hurt by her rejection. Having a child dependent on you made you feel important and needed, and you don’t ever want to forget how her hugs and kisses melted you.
It can be very enticing to take your child’s refusal personally and “get even” by pulling back sensitively or even physically. Try to remember that you’re the grown-up here, and it’s up to you to behave like one. Your child may act as though she doesn’t need you, but deep inside she does—and she knows it. So don’t stop being affectionate, just respect her wishes and don’t kiss her in public, and don’t stop trying to communicate. Your new and improved role now is to set boundaries while keeping the door open, to steel yourself against the sting of rejection but remind your child that you love her and that you’ll always be there for her. You need to show that support unobtrusively, without feeling hurt, disappointed, or angry, according to the Group for the Advancement of Psychiatry (GAP). You also have to discipline yourself not to expect much back from you child. It won’t be easy, but you’d better try: “Parents who need reassurance of the child’s faithfulness are the unhappiest people in the world,” writes the GAP.
Sometimes parents—mothers and fathers—respond to their child’s rejection by seeking attention elsewhere, possibly by having an affair. Most parents, of course, don’t do this. But among those who do, it’s common that their children are “difficult”: intense feelings of rejection can come up when a child is more strongly attached to one parent more than the other. The parent who feels left out may look for a more sympathetic shoulder to lean on. The best thing to keep up with the situation is talk to them and encourage them in what they do, ask them to have fun. Remember it would be nice to become a friend rather than a touch parent.
Are you dealing with separation anxiety? If yes, then please leave me a comment and share your experiences with us. Share your expert tips on how to deal with separation anxiety. Don’t forget to Subscribe our RSS for latest updates delivered to your email for free.