In almost every broken relationship, it’s the children who become the forgotten victim. This is especially true if adultery is the cause of parents breaking up. Many successful people are having an affair and its having its toll on their children. Study has revealed that its not not celebrities who are having affairs but commoners too are having an affair. This is devastating for kids who suffers the most. How would you make sure that while having an affair you won’t ruin your child’s life.
It’s Tough for Kids
Be it a celebrity or a commoner, allegations of cheating and a relationship gone awry can have a devastating effect on kids. When an affair comes out, it creates huge anxiety for them. They are often left wondering why the very people they looked up to the most, now seem weak and untrustworthy. And if there are whispered telephone conversations interspersed with screaming matches and door slamming, children panic all the more.
How it Affects Kids?
After finding out a parent had been unfaithful, kids become more with drawn, they cry more often and are more aggressive. Other problems include truancy from school, eating disorder and running away from home.
younger kids tend to show their anxiety by clinging, bed wetting, thumb sucking, temper tantrums and night terrors. While older children are more likely to respond by rebelling and causing trouble. In extreme cases, self harming too can result. Often children whose parents were unfaithful and subsequently divorced, display a lack of respect for marriage as adults. Although, boys and girls have different opinion depending on who whether mom or dad is having an affair.
When Its Father
When a father is unfaithful, womanizing is seen as acceptable and can actually become a family tradition, passed on to each generation. In contrast, a girl who is aware of her father’s behavior tends to grow up angry and mistrustful of men and has difficulties maintaining relationships.
When its Mother
If the mother has the affair, children have a very different reaction. Since, mom is seen as the backbone of the family, a child of either sex who finds out she had and affair might loose confidence in the whole idea of marriage and family. They’re also more likely to divorce themselves if the do marry.
Getting Kids through it
The amount of damage an affair does to a child depend entirely on how the situation is managed by the parents. After all, while the spouse who has been betrayed has every right to feel angry with his/her partner, what binds the couple together even in such fragile moments is the love for their children. They might not be able to completely heal the pain their children go through, but with the little effort, they can certainly help them come to terms with the situation.
Parents should Stay Neutral
Never argue in front of the kids, blame one another or try to get children to take sides. it has a detrimental effect on them. The key is to stay neutral, no matter how angry you are and involve the kids in the discussion. If they are old enough, talk calmly about what’s happened. There is no need to reveal the affair. Jut that Mom and Dad don’t get along with suffice.
Handle children with Love
Difficult though it may seem, it is all the more essential to give your kids extra attention and affection so that they don’t feel rejected.
Decide what you are going to say
Give the kids a definitive version of events of that both of you have agreed to in advance. There is nothing worse than uncertainty or conflicting stories as they make them imagine the most horrible of scenarios. Also, it is better they hear it from you than from neighbors or friends.
After the dust has settled, parents often think kids have adjusted well and everything is fine especially if there was no shouting or screaming. but it doesn’t mean that their view of life, love and marriage hasn’t been permanently altered.
Children who grow up happiest and most secure are those whose family dealt with parents, you need to reassure them that they are not to blame, that they are still loved and can continue having a good relationship with both of them.
Parents need to remind themselves who the grown ups are. Keep your lives as normal as possible and always put their happiness first.
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