One of the reasons why a lot of single parents or to-be-step-parents dread second marriage prospects is if the marriage involves kids from past relationships. We understand your dilemma as parenting is not an easy task. Working to erase doubts from your kid’s mind or reassuring him or her of your partner, a new house, a step brother or sister can be daunting, not to forget it can leave the kid feeling lonely and depressed.
A topic like this requires you to be patient and make the adjustments as easy and smooth for your child. We all know fairy-tales and stories have always portrayed a cruel image of step parents and their behavior which creates a barrier in the way of the child’s mental development. Why not follow a few steps to bridge that mental gap for your child to be as happy for your second marriage as you are.
Talking to your kid is the first and primary step. Be sensitive enough to first ask the kid yourself rather than making an announcement with your partner. Ask him or her whether they are ‘OK’ with your decision and whether they would like to live with a new family and want to meet up with your partner. Make them feel like they are part of the decision process reassuring in the kid of their importance.
Also, considering kids go to school or discuss with their friends, they might go around believing that a step parent may send them to boarding school or not want them around. Introduce your partner, let them interact and get to know each other. Once the child gets talking let him or her ask questions which clears doubts from their mind. If your partner is a single parent or you both would be step parents to each other’s kids, reassure them of any doubts they may have. Avoid favoritism or any rewards for good behavior at the beginning to win them over.
Blending families is part of the process. Help yourself by planning weekend getaways, movie Sundays, vacations together. This will give everyone time to spend together and have fun at same time. At home try to give space at first as sharing does not come that easily to kids be it five-year old or adolescents. If you are a step parent try not to begin by placing a lot of rules in the first place. This may be looked upon as being too much of a dictator but at time same time we are not suggesting you let them do what they want. The idea of the process before and after your marriage is to keep the families happy together and not let your kids feel like they are in it just to be with you.
I would love to hear how you would mentally prepare a child for second marriage. Please leave me a comment and let me know. Don’t forget to subscribe our RSS to receive latest updates.