Have you ever wondered your hubby saying “Honey i am having an headache” or “Sorry sweety, lets go to sleep today”, you felt bad, embarrassed, a bit low and want to tell him but when you turn to him, he is asleep. Just remember he loves you, don’t take it as a personal rejection. Just try to understand him and known the reason behind that. Don’t get frustrated or feel inadequate lover, spouse if your sexual advances are turned down by your man.
MELTDOWN IN BED
The current trend of sexless marriages, due to lowered self-esteem of men facing a financial crisis and resultant stress, is leading to various reactions among women. Some working women who are aware of the global crisis, show grater empathy and do not blame their partner for the financial situation, or the subsequent lack of interest in sex. Instead , they assume the role of sounding board, and so attempt to motivate them to be optimistic and to deal with crisis together.
On the other hand, some women add to their husband’s woes by being confrontational, demanding, aggressive and blaming them for the loss of both, money and sex and launch a direct attack an their partner,s manhood. This only makes matter worse, as the most vulnerable areas of a man are targeted. the woman, who has shoved a guilt-trip down her husband;s throat, can be rest assured that the financial crises may end, but her sex life will never improve.
Some women get confused with a sudden withdrawal of sex and might suspect that their husband is having an extra marital affair. This can be because of stress, anxiety or overwork.
Women need to understand to understand that sex is not between the legs but between the ears, and therefore also understand that a healthy and a relaxed mind is important for mutually satisfying physical intimacy.
Some women get confused and anxious with the sudden withdrawal of sex, get depressed and might suspect that their husband is having an extra marital affair or satisfying his sexual urges in other ways. Such anxious women must de-link affection and physical intimacy, and be educated about temporary psychological impotence stemming from increased stress.
In some cases, over consumption of alcohol can be a problem, especially with regular drinkers who try to deal with stress via alcohol. This takes a huge toll on the relationship, as the woman finds it difficult to empathize with a husband who gets drunk every night, whines about problems, and doesn’t wish to address the crisis in a logical manner.
In such a condition, marriage counselings helps, the man deal with the financial and sexual lull in life.
A man can be taught to reach out and be sensitive to his wife’s needs, and the woman can be educated to not make it all about herself, be emotionally available and not use the husband’s vulnerability against him ever. The couple must remember that this a temporary but crucial phase and how they handle it together decides the future status of the relationship. Moreover, the emotional intimacy during this crisis can strengthen some surprising moments of physical intimacy, emerging from such emotional bonding.
HOW TO COPE
- - A wife could use these troubled times to build the emotional intimacy and companionship with her husband, educate herself about the finer details of his problem and engage him in small joys in an un-pressurizing manner, such as sharing the child’s achievement in school.
- - She could engage in non sexual touching like offering a back rub or head massage to bond with him.
- - She shouldn’t mind her husband wanting to spend time with his colleagues who enlighten him on ways to deal with the problem, not make any unreasonable material demands and tell him he’s not alone.
- - Tell him that both of you will get through it together and that you believe in his abilities.
- - Ensure that he doesn’t blame himself. Assure him that everyone is in the same boat. Help him accept uncertainties and forgive himself for human errors, if any.
- - She can help de-stigmatize seeking professional help. If he is depressed, accompany him to a counselor.
- - She could identify what brings him joy. Small things such as cooking his favorite meal, inviting his best friend over for dinner can help him.
- - At times, when his is relaxed, she could lead, touch him sensually, with no pressure to perform, and see if he wants to take it forward.
- - The woman, of course, has her own emotional and physical needs. She could channelize her libido in work and children, or sublimate her sexual urges in creative pursuits. If she is spiritually inclined, then prayer and meditation can give her comfort.
- - She could also engage in self pleasuring from tome to time deal with her own heightened sexual urges.
I would love you to leave me a comment and let me hear your opinion. If you’ve got any thoughts, comments or suggestions for things we could add, leave a comment.