sexlife_absentIts often seen that many couples stop consummating their marriage. Sex life is absent from their busy life. In the previous article Having Sex is good for health the importance of sex in married life is stated, but sometimes we tend to ignore it. So, here are few reasons given below –

– Lack Of Emotional Involvement

Many women carry an apprehension for sex and are unable to respond comfortably during the few attempts of intercourse. This may also happen due to lack of emotional involvement in relationship, especially in arranged marriage. A women sexuality is usually heart- oriented. It is best to wait a little and not rush things.

– Penetration Phobia

Irrational fear or phobia associated with penetration is often a cause of non consummation of marriage, even to educated people. This cause is a deep rooted psychological fear related to the genitals. It may also be learned fear caused by listening to myths about painful penetration during the impressionable years.


There may be several causes of dyspareunia or pain during intercourse.The problem arises because the women pelvic muscles may be too tight, or her vagina may not be adequately lubricated. Also, her hymen may still be partially intact which may be causing pain. It is strongly recommended that couples avoid having intercourse until the cause of the pain is found, or else thing may get worse. In later stages, a physical problem may become a psychological one.

– A Tight Hymen

The hymen in a thin membrane that covers vagina. It may or may not be present at birth. In some women hymen is extra thick and tight.This make it either impossible to penetrate during intercourse. Also, it may cause sever pain and bleeding if penetration is forcibly attempted.If a gynecologist finds the hymen to be unusually tight on examination, a small surgery – hymenectomy – may be necessary before the couple attempts intercourse.

– Vaginismus

Vaginismus is an involuntary spasm of the entrance to the vagina during attempts of penetration that invariably causes pain and discomfort. The cause is a deep rooted psychological fear related to genitals. The women involuntarily tightens the muscles of her vagina, making penetration painful and impossible. A women may not be consciously aware of the root cause. No medication can help in such case. A sex therapist trained in counseling is better equipped to deal with.

– Psychogenic Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction is the inability to achieve or maintain an erection. In Majority of cases, the cause is psychogenic, Such as stress, anxiety, guilty, anger, mood disorders, relationship difficulties and past traumatic events. The treatment depends on the cause. Sex counseling and therapy is needed for psychogenic causes.

– Organic Erectile Dysfunction

Whenever a man is unable to attain or maintain erection of penis( and this unable to consummate his marriage) due to biological causes, it is called as organic erectile dysfunction. Organic causes may include endocrine conditions such as diabetes, disorders of pituitary, thyroid or adrenal glands, diminished testosterone levels, reactions to certain medications especially hypertension medications, and many more.

– Performance Anxiety

Fear of failure or anxiety about impotence ranks first of prevalence, in all  the sexual fears that men bear. Ironically, the itself is the greatest cause of impotence and thus non-consumption of marriage. If a man is more focused on how well he is performing with a partner, rather than on enjoying the sensations in the sexual act, it may be difficult to attain or maintain an erection. This become a vicious cycle. The remedy is to learn to relax. When a man is involve din foreplay, without examining the organ, erection happens on its own. The wife’s cooperation plays a very important role in getting over such psychogenic impotence.

– Premature Ejaculation(PE)

PE is the most comon complaint against men . It is not a physical problem, but a learning disability found very commonly in newlyweds. Ejaculation early is a learned reflex response that can be effectively re- conditioned when a man and a women actively learn ejaculation control together. The squeeze technique or the stop-start technique  can benefit in this  case.

Female Sexual Arousal Disorder ( FSAD)

Female arousal is as much as necessary as male erection for a couple to engage into intercourse. The physical causes of the same include many hormonal, and other organic causes erectile dysfunction in men. Psychological issues that contribute to FSAD are hpyscial or psychological abuse, low self esteem or distorted body image. Unrealistic expectations from the partner  and unresolved emotional and relational issues in the couple can also cause FSAD.

I would love you to leave me a comment and let me hear your opinion. If you’ve got any thoughts, comments or suggestions for things we could add, leave a comment.