To answer why we fall in love with rascals is simple, sometimes you can see at first sight – this man will necessarily cheat, deceive, behave only the way he needs. And nevertheless there will necessarily be a woman, who will start suffering and serving him devotedly.
NOBODY CAN LOVE
There are few signs which are rather apparent like
- He comes and calls only when he wants.
- He does not visit you in a hospital and disappears during difficult moments.
- He is cold and scornful, but thus demands attention and is capable to make a scandal because of cooled dinner.
- When it is a character of a film, it is interesting to observe his actions – he has negative charm, and, as a rule, has a woman, capable to “re-educate” him. But in a real life a rascal has a girlfriend or wife, whom he suits the way he is: she, certainly, suffers and can complain to girlfriends, but is not going to break up with her boyfriend.
Being near unloving partner, a woman demonstrates her low self-estimation coming since childhood. She does not believe someone can love her – stupid, ugly, fat. And even if she meets a man, who will treat her kindly and not pay attention to these lacks (and most likely, they and are not present – only unloving or too exacting relatives were convinced of them), a woman with low self-estimation will make everything for him to leave her. Being near the one who behaves like natives or teachers in her childhood: despises, humiliates and offends, is better for her.
Dialogue with a rascal gives a chance to experience negative, but strong emotions: such people are not always cold and severe, they are also capable of caress, which causes splash of happiness of improbable force in enamored woman. Scientists spent experiments on animals and came to a conclusion that positive reinforcement (carried out task – received meal) often yields the worst results, rather than absence of negative reinforcement (received current – carried out task – current was ceased). Quite often people behave by the same principle: when a woman sees a sudden smile on her lover’s face, she feels delight, and then recollects an instant of happiness for a long. Men who constantly pay attention to their wives or girlfriends, give gifts and smile often, they usually should think out something original to please her. Bastards know about force of absence of negative reinforcement well, they just don’t need delight itself, they need female services: tasty meal, sexual caresses, gifts.
… And a fascinated woman willingly gives it all.
You can feel bitter and sick, but you will never feel bored – a story about life with him will handicap any serial. Besides, a weight of emotions is experienced during a story, thanks to reaction of girlfriends. “You as if live in a novel!” – a girlfriend says, and a woman feels she is somehow unique. “I would not sustain it precisely!” – and a woman feels strong and courageous. “You will only waste your time and ruin nerves!” – and a woman thinks only she understands true essence of love: many of us dreamt and continue dreaming not of a true and reliable husband, but about strong passions. Without reflecting on their consequences and the fact that rough and uneasy life un-essentially leads to happiness: bright emotions can also be positive – but a rascal does not wish giving them.
Having looked back at some instant moment, it is possible to see the whole gallery of portraits of various rascals and recollect how they offended, did not understand and how, after parting with next from them, there was confidence: my following man will be other. But then you found out that thought was a mistake. Each of these men which have brought so much grief, has pain inside – coldness of mother, contempt of the first girl, failures – and, as a matter of fact, they need help, instead of humility. But, wishing to revenge women for this pain, they select themselves a suitable girlfriend, who does not appreciate herself and is ready to endure all, moreover – wishes to suffer.
An expert-psychologist can help you opening this circle, changing a repeating scenario. But to begin with it is necessary to try finding a healthy part in your soul, which will give a chance to trace how painful relations begin – and start behaving differently. Eventually, each of us has something worthy of love and respect.
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