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Dating Relationships Dealing With Monster Mother-in-Law Without Breaking Relationship

Mother-in–law is one of the primary topic to discuss for married women or even among friends if one of you plans to marry soon. Wonder from where nuclear families came? If you ask us, probably it was the best thing for a married woman. Not everyone gets a mother in law who is a well-wisher and easy to get along.

The perception of mother-in-law’s is anyways highly severed and those who can’t seem to get along with their daughter-in-laws keep adding to it. We would say there are reasons for so. Can be a case of the attachment to her son, she still perceives him to be her little boy. Some times it’s even the control issue. You’re husband might come across as more influenced by your ideas and hence he might move away from old habits making his mother feel insecure. Before you end up severing your relationship because of her taunts, emotional torture or even physical abuse as has been seen around the world, follow a few points listed below. For all you know it’ll make life easier.

Communicate and talk it out.

At the beginning if you don’t find your mother in law very responsive and find it hard to get long, mention that your spouse is what’s common between you two and for that reason alone you should try to make your and her relationship civil.

Most of times when daughter in-laws comes in to the picture, the mothers get insecure. Make sure you state you both love him and that she will stay his mother and you will be his spouse. Mother-in-laws also think about the wives as manipulators and women who like to get one up on their in-laws, state that you’re not the sort and you were actually hoping to make a good relationship as you are one big family and there would be grand children in future who would love to grow up with constant dotting by grandparents.

Distance yourself

After playing the emotional card or hundred percentage genuine self, if your mother in law still continues to play coy and mean, make sure you communicate when necessary and do not make overt gestures to mingle. Mother in laws, not all, but can be emotionally and physically abusive even more so if you weren’t the ideal choice for their son. Make sure you mention you don’t want to go for extended trips to theirs and would like to live separately.

Talk to your spouse

A husband would not want to listen to you talking bad about his mother. But having said that have a close talk with your spouse about how you have made gestures to make it a good relationship and may be it would not be so. We warn do not play the blame game.

Talk and communicate about how you would like it so but maybe they aren’t the two people who get along really well. Ask your spouse to understand so and not push you for every second family occasion to interact, call, and visit. Mention what we mentioned in the first point, about how you would love for your children you be always communicating with grandparents and knowing them.

A spouse should only understand that not everyone gets along and that you can stay in touch but not joint at the hip. In case of severe measures, do seek help of your spouse. Accept yourself that maybe she would not change all life or may be age will mellow her down. But if she does not change, you by all means keep yourself safe from guilt, emotional and physical abuse.

I would love to hear your experiences of dealing with your Mother-in-law. Please leave me a comment and let me know. Subscribe our RSS to receive latest relationship advice and updates.

14 replies to this post
  1. My mother in law has been very destructive in our lives. She has not been able to let go of her son and give the respect that is essential in adult relationships. She would call me names and tell the family to treat us as bad people, this caused lots of pain until we realised that she was too hard to deal with. We see little at all of her now. This has worked for us.

  2. Distancing is a good strategy especially if the relations are not perfect. Well, to be honest no relation is perfect in real life, if you can’t bear something and can’t have space required by couples then it’s better to distance yourself. Just make sure you call her sometimes and keep the relationship going. Remember, ending a relationship is easy but making one is tough. You don’t know when you need it again.

  3. After trying for seven years I gave up. All her accusations were making me weak n depressed. I was so much depressed that I used to be angry all the time and everything used to hunt me everytime. Just to avoid all the problems I used to keep everything with me as my husband is very emotional and attached to her. Once my husband spoke to her about everything that was hurting me and after then she is not talking to me. I try to call her but she doesnt want to talk to me anymore. My husband is sad.
    I left her behind and an trying to just look after my kids, control myself and fix all the strains in my married life. You tell me what should I do to keep it continue or shall i continue. I come from indian family and my in-laws are very egoist.

  4. We have had to end our relationship with ALL of my in-laws. My husband and I have been married 6 years, and lost a baby to SIDS in 2008. My mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and others in his family all believe I am holding my husband hostage in the marriage and that I killed the baby. We have tried for years to work it out with them, but I came to a conclusion recently, when they were trying to get me arrested for the baby’s death that it will never work out. I still miss the way things used to be so very much, and hate that I felt like I made me husband choose, but the decision HAD to be done. I still feel like he blames me in some ways for what has happened. I wish I could console him in this time. But I refuse to have my children or myself around them again.

  5. All mother in laws are bitches,not only bitches but super bitches.actually apne ladke ko kisi k saath share nhe kr skti.mujhe to lgta hai aisi bitches ko apne ladko se he shaadi kr leni chahiye,atleast kisi aur ki ladki ko tang to nhe kregi.

  6. One day all wives becomes mothers and if they have a boy things get out of hands especially when another women comes to his boy’s life.

    I wonder what would you say when you become mother yourself?

  7. Oh man, how I would love to have a bitch session with you over my boyfriends mother & get your take on it, sounds like we have gone through some similar stuff, & too much to say to make it PUBLIC if ya know what I mean.

  8. Hi,
    Everyones talkingof MILs. I dont have one. Good na But I have one FIL who is equal to having both. Doesnt stay with us but very easily controls my hubby and its hell with him

  9. Not all wives become mothers!!! My mother in-law told me she was glad I lost my daughter (my 5th loss after trying for years) before she was born and it renewed her faith in God that I cannot have a child. She is EVIL!

  10. talking to my husband never does any good & gets him pissed because he is also abusive so i’m stuck. police are no help & i have no friends or family to help. they can do anything to me without consequence-i’m a crazy liar to them-including her husband and the cops are convinced every time…i was told i can be arrested for fighting back…just pushing past for attempted escape or trying to block an attack is not allowed; can be labeled an assault by me.

  11. Every time I talk to my MIL she taunts me very badly. Earlier I never responded to it. But then things started getting more bitter. I always felt bad about myself. She makes me feel useless and inferior. By doing this she is losing respect for herself. I don’t consider her a mother, I never can. So from now onwards despite of being depressed I’m learning to put my grievances too in front of her. Today I replied back to all her taunts and she was shocked and speechless. It might not make our relationship smoother but will save me from depression for sure. I’m feeling lighter.

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