Stylish and Trendy Does In-Laws Living Apart Is Relief?
- Tuesday, March 24, 2009, 1:19
- Featured, Relationships
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It is very well said and known that marriages are made in heaven, agreed! But what about in-laws do we can’t have any option of choosing them? Every single dream of a girl is shattered most of the times because of the interference in her married life of her in – laws. The in-laws generally try to exercise a control and influence on their sons, which sometimes make a wife feel as her husband is a stranger. A unknown gap start building between them, which the two may want to remove but fails to do so.
The mother -in- laws behavior sometimes seems very strange and non- understanding which is very well explained in my previous article Mother- in – law toughest to deal with . This situation is more worsen if you are living in joint family, But does staying apart is relief? The answer from a wife would be no.
The in- laws in this condition wants you to call them daily and give an update of daily happenings. But this situation here becomes tricky………..if you call, you have to face criticism for one or other reason and if you don’t you are the worst. Here are few tips that might help you face the situation :
Less Expectation
It is world known fact that in-laws can never be parents, so always keep a distance and don’t keep any expectation as broken expectation will also shatter you.
Be Polite
Be respectful and polite, but it does not mean you should lose your self respect and dignity. The key to be manipulative, say your views and idea in a polite way.
Call when Required
Excessive calls to in-las will not bring you near to them , but will bring you useless criticism on one or the other reason. So make sure you call when required.
Have your own Finances Saved for you
If you are working, maintain your own bank balance. If you are not working try to maintain a saving account for making you self dependent.
Just be your- self
From your busy schedule of homemaker, take out some time for yourself. Devote some time for your hobby like- dancing, music, painting etc daily just to keep yourself energized and full of life.
Staying on Holidays
Set your priorities in beginning only. Don’t try to be goody-goody. If you are going for few days then stay at your in-laws for some hours may be a day or a two and spend your vacation at your parents house the way you want to be. any women is often heard saying ‘I sacrificed so much for my in-laws but they don’t appreciate anything and treat me so badly’. If you don’t sacrifice anything, you will be treated better and will have peace of mind.
Ignore as much as possible
You will be often landing up in a situation were you will held responsible for the things you haven;t done or was not your mistake. don;t panic just stay cool and clam, don’t stress yourself , say whatever you want to say in a polite manner. if heard fine, if not – you just don’t brother.
Every woman in life once goes through the in-laws trauma. Would aperricate your experience sharing with us, so as some of our would be daughter – in – laws will get benefited from our experience, and hopefully will be able to understand the situation better. So all of you kindly share your experience and help your sisters!
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I was reading your web page I agree on everything. I was looking for something that I can read up on about living with the in-laws but found this instead. We have been living with the in-laws since we had our last child. We were only suppose to be living here with them for a few months but a few months turn into over a year. I cannot stand living with them, they are only good when they help us by babysitting the kids and making supper for us when we don’t make supper. But, they love lecturing us when it comes to telling us how to do things, what not to, how to spend our money when we have to pay the bills, what we buy or should not buy, we should not do it this way or do it this way and it goes on and on. Just telling us how and not what to do. There have been times I wish I did not got married. I do feel frustrated, annoyed and depressed. I am tired of hearing of what they say constantly. If they came out and say that they don’t like me then I would be very happy to get out of their lives. Someone told me why don’t I divorce my husband but, that won’t do much for our kids and it might not do much for me. So can you show me a website about how to deal with living with the in-laws, please. I am at my wits end. I don’t know what to do. I do love my husband, but it is just that I can’t stand his parents. Hope you can help me here.
Thank you!
Shellina, i don’t think there is a point in divorcing your husband as he is not a culprit here. You need to make sure you follow the steps given above in this article and try those for a week. I am not aware of any site specific to this problem. Let me know if the above tips help you in maintaining nice relations with your in laws.
The advice is awesome, I just wish I had seen it 18 years ago when I got married. I tried to be the perfect daughter-in-law but I lost my dignity and didn’t get treated any better. Tragedy in my own family made me a different and stronger person and I do all the things listed above, the end result is that they are much nicer to me because I just don’t care about them. I don’t sacrifice anything for them and put my own family and needs first. It might not be the best way but it is the only way to deal with selfish and manipulative people who try to walk all over you.
Yes Anita i completely agree with you. Sacrificing our lives is what we all daughter- in- laws do but the result is only humiliation and insult. So it is always better to create a distance so that we enjoy a happy married life.
I understand all that you have written, and agree entirely with all you have posted. There is alot of truth, but how do you deal with a mother inlaw and 2 single sister inlaws (who are not married and older than I) who won’t let go of their precious little boy. I don’t want to make my husband choose between me or his family, but it is really hard. We have to live with his family as we cannot afford to move out on the finances we have. His mother is constantly getting upset if he doesn’t eat at home and his sisters still treat him like a child. What do I do??? I am contemplating leaving him for a little bit so that I can get my head cleared.
This might well have been an interesting article – except that the English was sometimes incomprehensible. Perhaps you could in future ask an editor to help?